so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
