that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
