Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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