I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
