Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
