I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
