no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My dick has a subreddit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
