The maid of honor just puked.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
