This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
