Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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