I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
