i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
