i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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