and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
