He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
