i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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