I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's great music for shaving your balls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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