life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
