Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
