The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
