I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
