I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
