if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
