I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
