U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
