I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
