All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
