i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
