well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
