and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
