I showed him my bush... on skype.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
