brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
its liver damage thursday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
