Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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