Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize