I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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