my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
