you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
