I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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