Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
