READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you win again, gameday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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