Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize