so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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