I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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