someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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