I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
