The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
