BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
