he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize