Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize