some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
