one might say we're banned from that church
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
