Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
