I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
